Friday, October 1, 2010

Betwixt and Between

I'm sitting here in the dark, tired after a busy week and feeling more than a little introspective.
There are so many thoughts running around my head, coupled with an urgent and burning need to be doing something; my fingers are twitching, knowing they should be moving. And so I type... too tired to to concentrate on a project but happy to sit here and ramble to you... and think of quiet times, like in the picture below....

Are you tired too? In need of a rest, a distraction from the busyness of your days?

A few months back I read a post on another blog asking if the things you are doing are the things you really want to do? And if not, why not?
I have been pondering that one for a while and realized that very little of what I do is of great interest to me.
And then I went and watched a couple of movies about this woman - Coco Chanel.

Oh Lordy, was I inspired. The fabrics and the clothes, the hats and the details. The stubbornness and insistence on doing it her way. (I think I might have a good bit of the last two in me already - maybe.) They all conspired to show me that I was so on the wrong path. 

Today I finally realized the number one thing that has been getting in my way is teaching.

Sharing knowledge is one thing and teaching commercially is entirely another. The classes have to be relevant and current to the marketplace, the projects appealing, the materials available and the techniques approachable.

And while I have no problem with sharing knowledge, I am tired of being limited by all of the above...
So today I decided that I won't be teaching regularly anymore. A guest spot now and again might not be a bad thing - if I happen to have done something that has appeal to others, but I will no longer appear on the regular schedule of events.

I am committed to many classes this Fall, but after they are done it is time for me to go on a journey of discovery for myself - to see what's out there, and what appeal it might have for me.

Seeing all that fabulous artwork last night is likely the proverbial straw - I want to make me some...
And I'm so darned excited for it I can hardly breathe!!


Patty said...

Good for you...That is one of the things I hope simplifying my life will do for me. Give me time to explore my passions creatively. I am overcommitted and I am losing myself. Have fun exploring, just be sure you keep sharing with us along the way. Patty

Diane Kelsey said...

Best of luck. Life is too short to spend a large proportion of it doing something you don't want to do anymore. Enjoy the new freedom (once your commitments are over).

FlowerLady said...

Sometimes all it takes is a little step back, to seriously look at our lives, then a bit of inspiration, and wham, we are headed in a new direction.

Enjoy the journey and happy creating.


MosaicMagpie said...

On the wall in my workroom is a quote from CoCo Chanel. "When I am no longer able to create I'll be done for." Seems as though this is a fitting quote, for a time such as this.

Tina Eudora said...

Dear Jillayne;
I have also been going through a struggle with finding my artistic purpose! Throughout the ages artists have always had a huge dividing line between creating from their core and trying to make a living. What does the market demand? Will it sell? Important questions but sometimes those very questions are the ones that slowly dry up our innate creativity.
I am trying really hard to remember what it felt like when I was little and painted just because I wanted to let that desire free instead of "what am I going to do for Halloween" or "darn I need to focus on Christmas themes now".
There is still this war going on in my mind and it saps my energy and joy some days. I am trying to resolve these questions for myself and if you find the definitive answer please let me know!...:)
Tina xo

Suztats said...

Wherever your journey leads you, I hope you find fulfillment, challenges, and joy. And I hope you let us all join you, if only vicariously.

Alisa said...

Good for you, Jillayne! I wish you much luck in finding your new path to your creative happiness! I can't wait to see what is next for you!

Marj Talbot said...

Good luck in your ventures. I personally feel blessed. I've always done sewing of different kinds and needs - largely need over the years. Being inspired by you, I now enjoy creating things that give me pleasure and enjoyment. So, I know exactly where you are coming from. I love to follow your blog and appreciate your sharing of knowledge and techniques. Your talents truly amaze me.
Hugs, Marj

Becca said...

Hi Jillayne, I wish you the best discovering your new creative outlet. Life is to short/precious to be doing something you are unhappy with. I just want to say that I am so thrilled that you shared with me your teachings with the table runner (still working on it) It made me so happy when you offered your help, I will never forget that. I always look forward to your posts and inspiring creations!
Hugs, Becca

Deb~Paxton Valley Folk Art said...

Follow your bliss Jillayne! I wish you much joy and creativity as you explore this new avenue.

Anonymous said...

Jillayne, I hear you!! Sometimes we do get in a rut. Or we say yes because we think it's something we should do. I don't like to teach either unless it is something I really feel strongly about and have a small group of people who are very interested in learning. I also don't like to do demos about how fabric is designed unless the situation is comfortable for me. My throat closes up and I am stressed for weeks prior to a demo so I have had to curtail this aspect of my business. I know that some people don't understand and some have even been rude to me because they expect designers to just feel they have to say yes, no matter what their personal problems are, etc. Others are so very kind and understanding. I have had wonderful experiences and bad ones both. But for me, it's all about my art, not about ME. I don't want to be in the limelight in spite of the fact that I'm passionate about my work and passionate about HELPING others to learn and about encouraging them to not just DREAM about following their heart, but to make the time and do it! I am a breast cancer survivor and it taught me how short life is and that I needed to follow my heart and stop doing the production work I was doing at the time. Other circumstances intervened and made the decision for me and looking back on it, in spite of the trauma of those days, it was all for the best.

We have to nurture our own spirit before we are able to help nurture others. But there are all sorts of ways to do this and still follow our own path at the same time - it's a different path for each of us, as Robert Frost so beautifully put in "The Road Less Traveled". That's the one I chose.

God bless!

Tina @ TinyBear said...

What a great post Jillayne. I can so relate. I have been teaching for several yeasr too and just this spring after my last class, I decided I needed to stop to get my inspiration back. It have been a lot fun but also took my energy and my inspiration so I almost stopped creating my bears.
Now I feel, it´s slowly - very slowly - coming back to me and I have begun enjoying the process again.
It´s so good for you.
Wishing you a lovely day
xo Tina

Dorthe said...

Dear Jillayne,
I know ,what you are saying--
here I have had my shop open ,every single day-whole week-for 12 years, without having one whole day off, or more that one week hollyday....
I did not feel happy going there anymore- alwayes having to be polite, even to rued costumers,- and alwayes being kind....even when tired and worked out.
Take your time, to deside how to live and work,dear.

Have a lovely week-

Marcia said...

Congratulaions on your decision!! I a doing that right now. I was forced into a retirement, but it was a blessing. Right now I think I maybe in the right place in my life to paint what I want to paint and sell what I want to sell, not what and when the public demands it. I have worried too much over what is "in" etc. The public will have accept and I think there are many out there that will like what I have in the store in the gallery I just settled into. I am going to enjoy life and all the true friends in my life. So go for it Jillayne...there are surprises for you around the corner, slide in for the ride.

marie said...

Have a lovely journey ~ discovering yourself is a wonderful thing. You'll find so much joy in creating!

Anonymous said...

Jill, I can so relate to where you are coming from, I did not listen to my inner voice and it has taken many years to find my peaceful creative self again, I owe much of my healing to you. I support and applaud you for listening to your inner soul and for following your dreams, life is short make each moment magic and unforgetful paint the sky with your imagination. Jill, enjoy each page that opens for you, look forward to the book as it unfolds write,write,and write until you finish your wonderful book I know is in you just waiting to find paper. Your blogs are proof of your talent,I will miss them but I will be happy as I know Jill is living her life "Her Way " and for that I am ecstatic. Love and Light always...
Jackie Higgs Hugs

Always shoot for the Moon, because even if you miss you will land amongst the stars.....

Michelle May said...

Oh gosh...this speaks volumes! This is the reason I have never gone to quilt market. I just want the freedom to create based on what I want to create. To teach and share based on what I love and not some manufacturer. Go for it girlfriend. The world needs more splendor, more beauty and more originality. Wishes do come true if we just wish hard enough and believe enough. :)
xx, shell